Gold Pants and Monkey Balloons

I am finding myself a bit monkey obsessed as I'm sure you can tell after the monkey back pack toddles leash and monkey riding a pig posts, so in keeping with my theme, I thought it might be nice to learn how to make a monkey balloon animal. I have done the hard hours of research so that you don't have to. And I am sharing my intellectual findings with you, in the form of a pirate? Puritan? Clown? Listen, she's hard to classify, but the memory of her will stick with you. You're welcome.



Is Jesus Gluten Free?

When I first moved to Macon, Georgia, I was taken aback when the first questions people asked me upon introduction were, "What church do you go to?" or "Have you been saved?" Since then I have realized the importance church plays in a small southern city. Imagine the horror when I told people that I don't go to church.

That's right, I'm what you might call a "lapsed Catholic" or perhaps more appropriately, a "fallen Catholic." If I'm being honest with myself, I have to admit that even when I was a practicing Catholic, in my adolescence, church was a place to meet new boys whom I would then seduce at church-sanctioned events.

The Hubs was raised as a Baptist and has a greater appreciation for organized religion. He occasionally suggests going to a new church, just to check it out. Yesterday, the Hubs had a wild urge to go to St. Peter Claver's Catholic Church for mass. So, I looked up the website and we chose a service to attend. This is where the trouble began.

On the way to the 11:15 mass, the Hubs had a good point. The conversation went sort of like this:

Me: You're supposed to go to confession if you haven't been to mass in a while in order to take communion, but I'd totally take it anyway if I could. I'm a bad Catholic.

Hubs: Why can't you? Oh...gluten.

Me: Yeah, it's made of wheat. (Note: I have a gluten allergy)

Hubs: But it's unleavened, are you sure?

Me: Yeah, I looked it up once, it has wheat flour in it.

Hubs: But...it doesn't really, right...cause of the whole Jesus thing?

Me: That's true. Catholics are supposed to believe the host actually turns into Jesus.

Hubs: Isn't Jesus gluten free?

Me: I could totally take communion and see if  my face blows up, proving the whole "Body of Christ" thing wrong. See, this is why I'm a bad Catholic.

And by this time we were at church. We were even a few minutes early. But when we got inside, there was no mass!!

Was Jesus making a point? Perhaps.

Catholic Church: 1, Me (the blasphemer): 0

Gem Sweater: How I rationalize wearing bedazzled Christmas Sweaters to work

A little taste of cool air in middle Georgia has opened up the creepy old lady in me. Today, I began dreaming of the Christmas season and wondering how many days I could get away with wearing my Christmas sweater-- a black, obviously acrylic sweater enhanced with a bedazzled Christmas tree, which I bought on sale at Walmart...sort of as a joke...sort of because I love it.  Every year I wear it, and every year my college students look at me as if I've lost my mind. I bring in candy canes and cocoa and forcefeed students with my Christmas cheer. And when they tell me I have no fashion sense, I send them on a quest...to watch "Gem Sweater" by Lelsie and the Lys. This is my fashion guru, who I long to emulate. For those of you who have missed out on the wonder of Leslie and the Lys, here you go:

You're welcome.

The Cherry Blossom Festival

Well all, it is that time again...

That's right, it's Cherry Blossom Festival time in Macon. Today is bright and sunny with a high in the mid 60s, and the blossoms have been blooming all over Macon, and all over my yard. And it is not only the cherry blossoms blooming, but the Camellias and Daffodils, too. On days like today, I can't help but harken back to my first Cherry Blossom Festival experience.

It was 2007. The day started of with a chance of rain, a heavy hoodie tied tight around my face, and a long line for pink pancakes. Yes, that is right. This, I thought, would be the most interesting part of such a small-town festival...I was wrong.

Only in Macon, GA, can you find a Cherry Blossom Festival Pet Fashion Show. A runway was constructed in the grass in the middle of an open field, and around the runway, happy pet owners milled excitedly, awaiting their turns to parade their respective pets around in front of the crowd and judges. There were pink, spray painted poodles, and daccsunds whose neck ribbons matched the ribbons in their owners' hair. There were bull dogs in tutus and cats in pink collars. I took in the cotton candy atmosphere, in complete disbelief. These animals were amazing. None were wearing pearls and riding in designer celebrity handbags...this was much more impressive.

I thought I had reached my most exciting moment at the festival, silently weighing the wonderment and attempting to choose my own personal pink pet winner. And then it happened...out walked an owner with a huge white duck, whose tail feathers were now light pink, trotting along on it's blossom-y leash.

Welcome to Georgia, my friends...welcome.