When I first moved to Macon, Georgia, I was taken aback when the first questions people asked me upon introduction were, "What church do you go to?" or "Have you been saved?" Since then I have realized the importance church plays in a small southern city. Imagine the horror when I told people that I don't go to church.
That's right, I'm what you might call a "lapsed Catholic" or perhaps more appropriately, a "fallen Catholic." If I'm being honest with myself, I have to admit that even when I was a practicing Catholic, in my adolescence, church was a place to meet new boys whom I would then seduce at church-sanctioned events.
The Hubs was raised as a Baptist and has a greater appreciation for organized religion. He occasionally suggests going to a new church, just to check it out. Yesterday, the Hubs had a wild urge to go to St. Peter Claver's Catholic Church for mass. So, I looked up the website and we chose a service to attend. This is where the trouble began.
On the way to the 11:15 mass, the Hubs had a good point. The conversation went sort of like this:
Me: You're supposed to go to confession if you haven't been to mass in a while in order to take communion, but I'd totally take it anyway if I could. I'm a bad Catholic.
Hubs: Why can't you? Oh...gluten.
Me: Yeah, it's made of wheat. (Note: I have a gluten allergy)
Hubs: But it's unleavened, are you sure?
Me: Yeah, I looked it up once, it has wheat flour in it.
Hubs: But...it doesn't really, right...cause of the whole Jesus thing?
Me: That's true. Catholics are supposed to believe the host actually turns into Jesus.
Hubs: Isn't Jesus gluten free?
Me: I could totally take communion and see if my face blows up, proving the whole "Body of Christ" thing wrong. See, this is why I'm a bad Catholic.
And by this time we were at church. We were even a few minutes early. But when we got inside, there was no mass!!
Was Jesus making a point? Perhaps.
Catholic Church: 1, Me (the blasphemer): 0
That's right, I'm what you might call a "lapsed Catholic" or perhaps more appropriately, a "fallen Catholic." If I'm being honest with myself, I have to admit that even when I was a practicing Catholic, in my adolescence, church was a place to meet new boys whom I would then seduce at church-sanctioned events.
The Hubs was raised as a Baptist and has a greater appreciation for organized religion. He occasionally suggests going to a new church, just to check it out. Yesterday, the Hubs had a wild urge to go to St. Peter Claver's Catholic Church for mass. So, I looked up the website and we chose a service to attend. This is where the trouble began.
On the way to the 11:15 mass, the Hubs had a good point. The conversation went sort of like this:
Me: You're supposed to go to confession if you haven't been to mass in a while in order to take communion, but I'd totally take it anyway if I could. I'm a bad Catholic.
Hubs: Why can't you? Oh...gluten.
Me: Yeah, it's made of wheat. (Note: I have a gluten allergy)
Hubs: But it's unleavened, are you sure?
Me: Yeah, I looked it up once, it has wheat flour in it.
Hubs: But...it doesn't really, right...cause of the whole Jesus thing?
Me: That's true. Catholics are supposed to believe the host actually turns into Jesus.
Hubs: Isn't Jesus gluten free?
Me: I could totally take communion and see if my face blows up, proving the whole "Body of Christ" thing wrong. See, this is why I'm a bad Catholic.
And by this time we were at church. We were even a few minutes early. But when we got inside, there was no mass!!
Was Jesus making a point? Perhaps.
Catholic Church: 1, Me (the blasphemer): 0
